Breakups are not easy. Not for anyone. Whether the separation was the result of a casual relationship or a divorce, a breakup can be an extremely unpleasant experience, to say the least. But it’s a phase of life most of us have or will go through at some point in our lives or other. So then perhaps it’s best to learn to deal with the situation head on and learn cope with it in order to make the transition as painless as possible.
Let’s start by understanding the physiological changes that are happening to your body and its impact on your psychology. It might get a little technical at times, but we’ll try to keep it as simple as possible.
Broken Heart Syndrome is also known as stress-induced cardiomyopathy. It is known as such because it can also be caused by other stressful or traumatic factors aside from a breakup such as financial loss, a death of a loved one, or even sudden good stress like winning the lottery. However, it is most commonly associated with the stress of a broken heart, hence the more popular term of ‘Broken Heart Syndrome.’
The Four Stages of Grieving In A Breakup
This is the stage where the heart and emotions take over and cloud your better judgment. This is the stage where you entertain the idea of you and your ex somehow moving heaven and earth to get back together again. Of course, anything is possible, however when you’re in this stage, you truly believe that you will be back together again tomorrow instantly, against the odds, and as if nothing really happened. Of course, the real possibility of that happening is next to zero, but you will not believe that, and fight against logic and reasonable thinking. This is the stage of denial.
Anger is what it is, anger. It is neither logical nor reasonable. It will simply rage on. When you’re experiencing the loss of a loved one to death or a breakup, there will be no logic, and a lot of anger involved. You will curse the heavens and life itself for being so unfair to you.
Perhaps this is the most serious of the stages mentioned. Depression can definitely take on a whole host of nasty and unwelcome symptoms ranging from obsessive behavior to addiction, to a lack of energy and other unwanted things. Most people who get into this stage, unfortunately, do not even realize that they are depressed and are often in need of professional help to have them cope with their current situations. Nevertheless, this is one of the most serious stages of the 5 stages a person goes through after a breakup and should be taken very seriously. People who are undergoing depression often make bad critical choices in their lives that end up biting them back in the future, whether it’s missing out on a huge opportunity to even losing their own lives because of extreme apathy.
The stage where a person begins to accept what has happened and begins to slowly move on with their lives is the acceptance stage. This stage does not happen quickly and a person does not come to accept their current situation immediately. They usually go through the depression stage for a long period of time before going through the acceptance stage where they begin to realize that there is no looking back and that there is no point in living in the past. This is also the stage where the person begins to act normally again as he or she would before the break up occurred. It is important that a person who just went through a break-up be surrounded with their friends and family so that they are able to undergo the depression stage much faster and are able to enter the acceptance stage more quickly.
How Long Does It Last?
What is wishful thinking is the common misconception that mending a broken heart has some kind of timetable depending on the length or intensity of the relationship? This just isn’t true, and there’s no scientific study to really back this up. It doesn’t really matter how long the relationship lasted. What really matters is how much you valued the relationship. Whether the relationship was a few months or several years, or whether your partner thought it was casual but you didn’t, or even if you initiated the breakup, you are bound to feel immediate hurt. Hurt that won’t go away easily and has no clear timetable for recovery.
Change in Behavioral Patterns
Here are a few examples of what happens to a person’s behavioral patterns after a break up:
1. Strange and Unpredictable
2. Anti-Social Behavior
3. Decreased Work Performance
4. Mood Swings
5. Possible Food Binging
Ways To Slowly Cope And Manage During A Breakup
1. Make New Friends
Whether you already have a trusted group of friends that you can lean on or you’re just starting to cultivate your support group, it is always a good idea to reach out to new people. As mentioned earlier, this is not the time to just crawl into a rock and withdraw. This is the time that you must reach out to others to help you get through, so it is very advisable to go out and meet new people now. The man is naturally a social being, and now is the best time to reach out to others past your comfort zone. It is there where you’ll find help, and where you’ll get the strength that you need to endure.
Now is also a great time to bond with community groups that you may be active in. A church or a group that has shared interests with you will prove invaluable in this trying period. There are also several support groups of people who are going through a painful breakup or divorce. Do not hesitate to join these groups for the needed support you can get.
Take some time to see how you could have been a better partner. Look at your mistakes and also your successes and use those lessons and memories to prepare for a new and happier relationship.
2. Travel to New Destinations
Just as the study above showed, now is the best time to travel, and people are taking notice. This is the best time to broaden those horizons and replace the sad memories with happy ones. Just to see how big the world really is, and how other people live and interact in a completely different culture, can really put things in perspective for you. There is a whole, wide world out there to see. Don’t let your negative feelings keep you from seeing it. For example, you should visit Thailand and find out how convincing and joyful those lovely Thai girls can be and they will let you know the real meaning of being in a relationship.
Practice all these ways to cope and you will get through this very difficult period of your life. Remember that just about everyone goes through a painful breakup, and many people do get over it and move on.